ULPF Fight Night
Uncle Luke Pillow Federation presents

Melee in Jindalee

Uncle Luke
Champion. Undefeated.
Leon & Indie
Challengers. Both cried last time.
Uncle Luke winsOfficial result. Nobody is surprised.
DateSun 1 Nov 2026
VenueLounge room, Jindalee
First bell10:00 am
Uncle Luke wins in 

Tale of the tape

Three fighters. Two corners. One obvious outcome.

Uncle Luke

"The Undisputed"
Corner
Red
Record
Undefeated
Weapon
King-size feather pillow
Reach
Unfair
Signature move
The "Guess what?"
Known weakness
None on record. He keeps the records.

Leon

"The Lounge Room Lion"
Corner
Blue
Record
Yet to register a win
Weapon
Standard pillow, slightly flat
Reach
Improving
Signature move
Charging in yelling
Known weakness
Creepers. Uncle Luke has been practising the hiss.

Indie

"The Ambush"
Corner
Blue
Record
Same as Leon
Weapon
Couch cushion, borrowed without asking
Reach
Short but sneaky
Signature move
Attacking from behind the couch
Known weakness
Lollies. Uncle Luke has brought a bag. It's a trap.

Guess what?

Uncle Luke has something important to tell you. Try to guess it.

Rumour has it some words do things. The Federation won't say which.

Waiting for a guess.

Go on. Have a go.

Hit Uncle Luke

Land one hit. Just one. Good luck.

Swings: 0Hits landed: 0Damage done: 0

Fight card

Three bouts. Results known in advance.

  1. Uncle Luke vs Leon

    One pillow each. Three rounds or until someone needs a drink.

    Prediction: Uncle Luke

  2. Uncle Luke vs Indie

    Cushions only. Hiding is allowed. It won't help.

    Prediction: Uncle Luke

  3. Uncle Luke vs Leon & Indie

    Main event. Two-on-one. Lounge room rules.

    Prediction: still Uncle Luke

Referee
Uncle Luke
Judge 1
Uncle Luke
Judge 2
Uncle Luke
Timekeeper
Also Uncle Luke

Official rulebook

Written, approved and enforced by Uncle Luke.

  1. Pillows only. Shoes, books and the TV remote are not pillows.
  2. A fight ends when the referee says it ends.
  3. Sitting on a challenger and declaring victory is legal. For the referee.
  4. Crying is allowed. It scores no points. You both know this.
  5. Anyone who demands a rematch must first answer "Guess what?"
  6. Running to tell Mum is a forfeit. So is running to tell Nan.
  7. Uncle Luke is the referee.
  8. If there is a dispute, see rule 7.

The Federation has received several complaints about these rules. All complaints were reviewed by the referee and found to be wrong.

Has Uncle Luke ever lost?

No. He checked.

Can we appeal a result?

Yes. Hand it to the referee. He will sit on it.

What if we both attack at once?

That is the main event. Two against one. Still not enough.

Who made this website?

Uncle Luke.

Courtroom sketches

Cameras are banned at Federation events. Evidence drawn by the official sketch artist. Guess who.

Exhibit A. Leon, moments after saying “I'm not even scared.”
Exhibit B. Indie's ambush from behind the couch. It lasted four seconds. The crying lasted twenty minutes.
Exhibit C. The challengers' corner after round one. The referee has ruled the puddle “sweat”.
Exhibit D. Rule 3 in action. Both challengers are underneath.

Certificate of defeat

Every challenger gets one. Print it. Frame it. Learn from it.